I Was NOT In Love

by Cecille written last 2009-03-04
Cecille felt OK when this was written

I need everyone’s opinion on this PLEASE. My mother always told me to get a guy who loves me more that I love him, someone who will die to himself for me. Even my friends would tell me, never to pick a guy who seems to be fine if I leave him. They apparently all want the kind of guy who would cry buckets and chase after you when you break up. I found that perfect man in my boyfriend for almost two years. We’ve been going for quite a while already and it’s great to finally be with someone who is sensitive, caring, genuinely interested in everything about my life, from my work, to my problems to my family. And it is also pretty fab that he comes with a great face and body to boot. I have extreme luck I guess. But sometimes, something’s amiss. I feel it when we kiss, I feel it when I’m lying next to him, I feel it at family events when I’m with him and everyone is gushing about how good we look together. I feel like I don’t see or feel the same warmth everyone does. There’s something in me that doesn’t feel all the love that people seem to see coming out of me and my boyfriend. We hardly argue or fight, I can leave him to his friends or not see him for a long while and be confident that he isn’t seeing anyone else or that he isn’t having hook-ups. He is the perfect boyfriend and my friends are all jealous. But I don’t value him as much as he should or could normally be valued. I don’t feel for him the way I felt in the past for other lovers. I do not know why. Should I keep this relationship or not? I am afraid that if I let it go, I will regret it later because I know that guys like this come once in a lifetime, but I also want not to be unfair to him, considering that he loves me so much and he really does deserve better. What should I do?