Childhood sweethearts turned enemies turned lovers turned exes

by Fairy written last 2009-07-14
Fairy felt Like Crap when this was written

(Update: We did see each other in the party. People did tease us. He did manage to trot on over and be friendly. Got too drunk, went to the car lot to get sick, followed him with a towel, starts hugging me and muttering things like why did I never call again, why did I say he'll never hear from me? Did I start dating other boys? Do I hate him? He loves me and misses me and do I miss him too? Then he took me to his car and he kept at it 'til finally he fell quiet and slept. Next morning driving home sobered up he went back to being his un-expressive self. Held my hand, barely spoke, dropped me off, said sorry for the trouble and we're back to not talking. It's like we got back together for the hours he was drunk and when he came to his senses and back to situation, we were back in our respective separate lives. I don't really know what to make of it, but I don't want to think about it anymore.)

This boy and I met when we were nine (4th grade classmates). We liked each other, typical cutesy childhood-sweetheart fare. Afternoons in the playground, having lunch at home, etc. Then he stops being sweet and turns mean the way boys that age usually do. After crying about it once, I barely spoke to him again, from 5th grade all through 2nd year. We weren't talking even when we were on the same schoolbus and lived near each other.

High school, we were partners for a play and had to do a slow dance (our classmates set it up) and when assigned seats were given we were seatmates. We started talking and became buddies. Then he was dating someone and I was dating someone, our friendship continued on through college. I had moved to the city after HS and has worked here since, but we'd text and call a lot just to catch up, and whenever there were HS get-togethers back home he'd always come by and we'd go together, that sort of thing. We were close and even got to talk about how mean he was before, and he said he pulled away because he was the silent shy type and hated everyone was teasing us, but that he's glad we've gotten close because I'm the one person he can really be himself with and open up to.

Aug 2008- Break-up with my bf (not connected)
Nov 2008- He breaks up with gf (not connected)
Late Dec- HS get-together, he picks me up. We see each other again after two years but as always it feels like we were together yesterday. We start going out everyday the rest of Christmas break ('til 1st week of Jan), every Sunday ever since. We become a couple February.

Our chemistry is great, he tells me he always had feelings for me but was young and shy and when he was ready, I was taken, he even recalls vivid details of what happened to me all those years that we weren't talking, he was silently watching me grow up from afar etc. Just like when we were kids we'd fight a lot but after a few seconds we'd make up, it was just funny.

He recently started working in his family's business. Eldest boy, dad as his boss, they don't always agree. He's still learning plus trying to be the man of the house for his mom and sisters when his dad's off with his drinking buddies sometimes. With recession and all, debts are high and income is low. Around April and May we'd fight a lot. He used to drive two hours to see me once a week and call everyday but it's gotten less and less frequent. I demand for it.

His point is I'm his refuge from all the problems and me adding to the pressure when I'm fighting with him makes him feel a lot worse and burdened. I should just understand while he's learning to adjust. My point is, I'm not asking for a lot, if he can't see me or text me as often, the least I ask is just for one text a day to let me know he still thinks about me. We all have responsibilities to juggle. Around June we're messed up, he's burned out from family/work and I'm fed up being taken for granted. He says sorry that he's being unfair to me and says he can't handle our relationship while he's taking care of everything back home. He's always tired and stressed out and can't think straight most of the time, and we find it so hard to understand each other. I say I won't ask anything of him and I'll stand by him 'til things look up, but he ignored it. I called him immature, selfish, childish, and a jerk who stops functioning in a relationship and just waits for the other to realize she's alone in trying to make it work. I promised him he will never hear from me again. That was it.

He has removed related comments and posts of our friends and us online. He hasn't removed me from his friends lists for some reason and left a couple of my posts but that's it. There's a get-together again in a few days. It's sad, we always came together. People are probably gonna ask us what's up, and he hates the hotseat, so I doubt he's going to even smile or talk to me. I want to be there and just be okay (We probably won't get to talk serious that night unless he initiates). I have questions only he knows the answer. How does he feel for me anymore? Does he miss me? Does he just need space 'cause he's tired physically and emotionally? Or is it me he's tired of? After 14 years in each other's lives it that the last of us?

Sorry it's long :( thank you...