tired of waiting

by eyjey written last 2009-07-24
eyjey felt Bad when this was written

I have been loving you for so long, so long that I can't even remember since when. Maybe since the very first day I saw you, you were there walking along those corridors for the tour around our University familiarization, holding that fan made me take a look at you, and even made me wonder if some day I can get closer to you or chat at something so interesting about, then suddenly a new friend of mine borrowed that fan of yours, after that event my friend nearly forgot the fan that she borrowed if only she didn't got to saw you it might totally slipped on her mind. (that friend of mine transferred to another school nearly before 3rd semester starts) And from that day on I completely forgot how were able to become closer, closer that our classmates were all starting to teased us, and I'm starting to make it more fun by acting as if I really like you. Third semester came in just a short span of time, and before I realized it i fall in love with you, felt scared of the rejection that might feel, I find myself avoiding not just you but my whole friends, to be able to forgot this feeling I'm afraid you''ll knew. Five months passed by and slowly I finally got back to my friends but still can't able to talk to you until that tour happened, and finally were able to reconcile, after the hardships of avoiding you, we renew the friendship we had as if nothing happened and deeply, that friendship grew to love. In just a matter of time we become sweet to each other, murmuring I love you's, endless phone calls, together during lunch and holding hands. Confused of what status we have I take the courage to ask you, If I can apply as your girlfriend. Nervous at the same time, I got really happy on your answer. And from that day on we can't be separate from each other and friends was nearly forgotten, going home late at night become a great issue and days, months passed by it started to ruin the bind that we thought will strengthen as months go by, and in just blink of an eye, all the promises fall into pieces, holding hands get colder, sweet i love you's as if wind passed by and nearly forgotten. And again I took the courage to ask you what's going on, even asked you if you still love me, and yet you just answered me "I don't want to hurt you". And with that cold phrase coming from you made my heart froze, so cold that it made myself felt the overflowing loneliness. and now felt numbness envelope within me. Three painful months again passed by and from then on we didn't open up anything about us, act as complete strangers. I took the courage to ask you out again promising not to bring up anything about us before, just to watch that movie, you and I together again, for the last time. Happy that I can be with you and lonely as we apart. Again I can't help myself for still loving you, even I act happy when you see me, even I enjoyed the company of my friends who were always there for me, why does in the end of the day, when I am alone at night it is still you I am thinking about, even I felt stupid for loving you still, even until the very first day why does this heart never grew tired of hoping only to you. Yes I'm tired of waiting, but it still can't hide the fact that it would be impossible for me to stop loving you.. even in a distance..