First Love

by Luke written last 2010-09-06
Luke felt OK when this was written

I met this amazing girl one night at my local fire company. She had recently moved up here from Philadelphia. She just graduated Nursing school and could not find a job down there, so she got a job at a local Trauma Hospital. I first got to know her when we started going to a firegfighter class together. She had everything I was always looking for. Amazing personality, looks etc. Anyway, one night we had a long talk and we both seemed to click. It was amazing. So long story short she broke up with her boyfriend as they had numerous problems together. But the thing was, I was kinda the hidden boyfriend. She was afraid that her ex would kill himself if he found out she was dating again. She didn't want to hurt him. Nobody even knew I was dating her. Her ex came to her apartment almost every other weekend and stayed for the weekend, her claiming that he slept on the couch. All our fights were about her ex and how I didn't think it was right. She told me that "If my ex asked me to marry him tommorow I would say no, if you asked me I would say yes". Any months went on and nothing changed. She spoke about moving back to Philly now that she had experience as a nurse and could get a job down there now. I lost my virginity to her after alot of thought. I never regretted that decision. Months later, she couldn't stand my friends sticking up for me and telling her to choose between her ex and me. She told me that if I can't deal with her being friends with her ex, we couldn't be together. So she became frustrated and took "an amazing job in Jersey". Long story short, she left me took the job in jersey and now she hated it. 2 months after she moved away from me, she stated that she wanted to move back because she missed the area, me and her old job. I was all for it as long as I wouldn't be the hidden boyfriend again.She promised it would be completely different and we would have a real relationship. Well 2 weeks down the line, she stated that she doesn't know if she is going to move back up or not. She stated that "she is working part time at the hospital of her dreams in Philly. She also stated that she wouldn;t be able to move up until May of 2011. At first I thought if I loved her I'd wait, but she doesn't want a long distance relationship, so how I could I wait if we are not even going out? There was so much more BS that I put up with regarding her ex that I won't mention. I love her so much and always will but I told her that she already made her decision months ago to leave me and move. Her life is down there now. I'm moving on. It's so hard but I think it's for the better. I don't want her moving back up and hate it. She did tear my heart apart which I could never forgive her for that but I guess it's completely over now and I just have to heal. I've been having no contact with her for weeks now. It's still pretty hard.