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my first love

by arvind written last 2012-05-31
arvind felt Like Crap when this was written

All my life till high school i had been a shy guy who could never think of having a girlfriend,as i could never gather the courage to talk to a girl.It all began when i took admission to an engineering college in 2007...for the first 6 months i was very depressed for several reasons but mainly cz i could not find people of my type who i could be friends with.
By the end of first sem i had a so called friend,whom i used to hang out with.He had to friends both girls...i dnt knw how,bt as the time passed by...4 of us became good friends and i found a true friend in one of the girls..her name was niharika...she was some one with whom i could share nethng in the wrld...things i nvr shared with my bestfriend also.we used to chat all through the night..throughout the day we were together.But i never felt for her that way.
Then on rose day in the year 2009...i was out for shopping when she asked me what i was doing...nd i jokingly replied that i ws buying a rose for a girl..she got excited somehow and asked me the name of the girl..to which i took her best friends name jokingly....she got angry with me and i could not understand why this happened.
By the night i came to knw she had feelings for me..but it was not the same for me..i always looked at her like a true friend never as my love...then time passed we again became good friends...i thought things were going good but was unaware that i had started developing feelings for her...it was after 3 month later when i al of a sudden expressed my love for her...and i hd not even decided it before...it was all spontaneous....she got very happy and we fell madly in love with eachother.For the next 2Yrs we enjoyed our life to the fullest..those two years were the best years of our lives and i started feeling serious for her and wanted to marry her someday...whn i expressed this to her she was alws hesitant to it and told me clearly that she could not give me any commitment...but the way she loved me always made me believe that when the time comes she would not be able to leave me...finally our college came to an end and luckily we were placed in the same company...but since the relationship had grown older there were fights which made our relationship weak at times but our love never died...
On the last day of our college she proposed to break up...i made her understand that we dont need to break up as we still love echothr but she dint agree...so we broke up and left the college.
But i couldnt live without her and i felt it would b difficult for her as well...so i talkd to her daily and tried to convince her...finally i succeeded and were again in a relationship...we went for our training in the company we were placed in together and had the best time of our live more than what we had in college...it looked like a dream and it never felt we had broken up...but then after 6 months...we were transferred to different locations and were miles apart from eachother...though even after this our relationship continued for the next 1month after which she told me that she could not marry and i got annoyed at her and she again proposed to break up to which i agreed in anger...thinking things will be fine like before...but this time she was serious...she nvr came back to me despite of me convincing her many times..the reason she gave me for breaking up was that she does not feel like marrying me and her parents would get her married in an year or so and i was no where career wise that she could even propose marrying me to her parents...
i had not even accepted the break up when i came to know that she went out for a drink with some guy in her office and had kissed him while she was high..she herself told me this after sometime and apologised but still did not want to come back...i had started believing that she was a bitch and had used me all through these years...and was with another guy now...bt ahe never accepted and alws tried and convinced me that that guy was just her friend and she would never get into a relationship again before she gets married...
today i feel devastated coz i loved her more that i loved myself...it had been 3yrs of us being together and i still cant believe it has ended...i feel like talking to her all the time but cant coz she talks to me formally which pains a lot...i wish she goes through the same pain in life which i am going through..


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